If you add two pounds of sugar to literally one ton of concrete it will ruin the concrete and make it unable to set properly which is good to know if you wanna resist something being built, French anarchists used this to resist prison construction in the 80s
1 cup Washing Soda. This can be made by cooking baking soda on a tray in an oven at 400° for 1 hour.
1 cup Borax (not Boric Acid. Also a different thing.)
½ cup - 1 cup grated bar soap (you can use literally anything. I often use Ivory because it’s easy to get and I find it works well, a lot of people like Fels-Naptha, which is an actual laundry bar. Some people use Dr. Bronner’s. Really does not fucking matter.)
After grating your soap, combine all ingredients. That’s it. That’s the whole thing. Use maybe a ¼ cup per load.
Dryer Sheet Replacement
Go to a craft store, find 100% wool yarn balls. If it doesn’t come in a ball, ask an employee to make it into a tight ball for you. Wash in the washing machine to make it felted. Remove from washer, add a few drops of essential oil to the ball, allow to seep in. Dry with clothing. Doesn’t need to be rewashed ever, and if it stops smelling, add few more drops of essential oil. Bam, reusable dryer sheets.
Dealing with Meltdowns and Panic Attacks
What Allistics Should Know About MeltdownsA meltdown is a defensive response, not an aggression. Meltdowns happen because we are in pain - either the direct sensory pain of too much light or too loud noise or terrible textures or what have you, or the emotional pain of just being overwhelmed by so much input we can’t handle it, of being told we're horrible burdens who can’t love, etc. Meltdowns are born of pain.
In particular, they’re what happens when we can’t escape that pain. You know about the fight-or-flight response? Well… that’s what a meltdown is. And all of those stories of autistic people destroying things or hurting themselves or lashing out at people is what happens when “flight” is no longer an option. That only leaves “fight.” We’re trying to defend ourselves from things that are hurting us, and you won’t let us. You stand between us and an escape from pain. That’s what makes us lash out, as surely as if you cornered an animal and poked it with a stick.
So how do you prevent this from happening? Simple. Find out what’s causing us pain, and give us an escape from it. Too much noise? Give us earplugs or a quiet place. Too-bright lights? Maybe we need sunglasses or a dark room. Draining social expectations? Let us be alone for a bit. Just let us escape the pain. That’s all we need.
If you don’t personally know the person who’s having the meltdown, or even if you do and you haven’t worked out another plan ahead of time, here’s meltdown intervention 101:
- Do not touch them unless you’ve specifically worked out a plan with them beforehand
- Do not stand close to or crowd them, especially if they are on the floor or in a corner
- Do not prevent them from stimming unless they’re hurting others or seriously hurting themself, even if they’re disturbing others
- Do not yell at them, I can’t think of a single situation where this is a good idea
- Do not try to move or relocate them unless they are in immediate physical danger or you’ve worked out a plan beforehand
- Do not force them to speak or communicate, these take a lot of energy and can be very stressful or impossible, even for someone who’s normally verbal
If you are allistic and any of this seems wrong to you, I would like to politely invite you to shut your quiznak. Yes, especially if you are an “””Autism expert”””
- If you can, try to get other people to leave the room while the person calms down.
- Move slowly, the person having the meltdown is already in fight-or-flight mode.
- Speak clearly and use simple sentences, most autistic people have poor auditory processing all the time, and trying to understand what you’re telling us during a meltdown can be difficult or impossible.
- Try to eliminate overstimulating things in the environment like clocks with second hands, cathode-ray tvs, flashing lights, or strong smells. Remember that many autistic people also have trauma. Some common triggers (things you should avoid like the plague) include being restrained (don’t grab any part of their body) and phrases like “quiet hands”
- Be patient and wait for them to calm down
- It may take more than an hour for an autistic person to calm down from a meltdown. During this time, give them the option to go to a quieter and less-stimulating space. Offer alternate methods of communication, like allowing them to type on a phone, write on a pad, or nod their head in response to questions. Don’t force them to do anything. Meltdowns are exhausting and many people are unable to do things they normally find easy.
DO NOT CALL THE COPS
When Your Partner Has Anxiety: A Meltdown GuideReacting To A Partner In Crisis
Depression, anxiety, and panic attacks should be treated with the same mindset as someone who has just been launched off their bike into a gravel pit. It hurts, and it’s gross and can be a bit frightening, but it will pass, wounds will heal, and it’s not a big deal, except for right when it is happening. Getting upset about it does not make it go away. It has already happened, and now it is time to take care of business. Get your partner to a safe space, and start wiping up the blood and picking out the gravel.
Non-proximity Dependant Tips to Support Your Partner With Anxiety
No matter whether you are with your partner or not at the moment of crisis, these five tips will help get you both through it.
Proximal Suggestions for a Partner in Crisis
- DO remain calm. You are a fucking champion. This skill and these experiences will help you in every relationship, intimate or otherwise, that you will ever have, for the rest of your life.
- Don’t ask them to make decisions. They may be incapable of making any at all. Whether it is deciding if they want to go to bed, what they want for dinner, or if they want a glass of water, assume all decision-making faculties have been thrown out the window.
- DO take control. This can mean telling them to brush her teeth, put on pajamas, take a shower, eat their dinner, etc. Taking off the pressure of having to make decisions and having the foresight to complete simple tasks like plugging in their phone is HUGE.
- Don’t assume they can ask for what they need in that moment. Also, don’t assume you have to be a mind reader. You don’t, just try your best. You know your partner.
- DO try the proximal and non-proximal suggestions below if you are unsure of your next step.
When touching, I find that skin to skin is best, face to face. Alternate between whole-body holding/constricting and light back circles with head petting. Blankets in a quiet, warm, and relatively low-lit atmosphere can be soothing. Platonic-ish kissing is good but mostly appreciated on the forehead, head, and upper back and upper arms. Neck kissing is too sensitive and sticking your tongue in their mouth will be overwhelming and inappropriate. Keep your voice low, either quiet or whispering. Extra special holding technique: Cradling in any form is exceptional; particularly if it allows the one doing the cradling the ability to whisper, rock back and forth in some way, and allows for gentle stroking or petting of the non-sexual variety. Think holding a baby.
↳Activities Distractions can be good once the initial episode is over and it is time to recover. Music may be too emotionally triggering. I find cartoons are best. Other options include reading to them (anything), or helping them into the bath or shower. Do not fucking fall asleep. They will hate you forever. Tell them about your day, or a mundane topic. Dumb facts about penguins or elephants work here. Do not expect a high level of participation but they are listening, and they do care. This is super helpful and can be very soothing.
Start with a glass of water, and if that is good, move to warm beverages – NOT alcoholic, or super creamy or sugary. Use encouraging words: “It’s okay, it’s okay.” Also encourage breathing together if you think it will work/help. Make sure they have eaten in the last 3-5 hours.
When You Can’t Be There
You can’t always be there when the shit hits the fan. That is not your fault nor is it your responsibility to babysit your partner. When you can’t be there, here are some great tips to get you and your partner through it.
Hearing your voice can be soothing. If they don’t answer the phone, leave a message. If you don’t know what to say or talk about, just talk about yourself or your day. Send a photo of wherever you are, or whatever you are doing. This relays that you have stopped to take a picture to send it to them because you are thinking about them. You can also send a picture of yourself making stupid faces, or take a picture of a horrible drawing of a whale you just did. Anything that brings them back into the moment with you. You get the idea. Affirmative statements also great.
Be available. You’re in a relationship, and if you were going through stuff, you know they would be there for you. If you don’t want to make yourself available, you probably shouldn’t be in this relationship. Obviously, if you are at work, this is an exception, but don’t decide it’s not your concern. You are partners, so act like it.
Make a plan. Don’t dwell too much on what is happening but tell them what is going to happen NEXT. Don’t ask for help making the decisions. Take the initiative to make the decisions about what is going to happen with the rest of their day. This will give them something to look forward to and is extremely helpful. Knowing that they will be taken care of is almost as good as being hugged right at the moment.